For some reason I didn't read this when I was going through old papers, I think because there was vocab questions on the front I just flipped through it. I decided it needs some commentary, I wrote this in high school, my senior year. My comments are in parentheses, and I'm not editing this or anything, because it would just have a bunch of lines through it. I just think it's fun in light of me deciding to take my GRE's soon.
The night sky feels cool even though I am burning so hot that anything that comes near me can melt. (I was always one for the imagery!) I only have 12 hours to do my work and then I am able to rest. We are all different. Some of us are so far apart you would have to scream just for them to hear a whisper. Others are placed in intricate designs that can be seen millions of miles away. Others, like me, are grouped in smaller clusters. We're like a family. We eat, sleep, and shine together.
I am younger then (ok, this should be corrected.. damnit i said i wasn't going to do that) most. One of the babies, I am not separated from an elder ever. We are all different ages. The elder that was assigned to me is over 500,000 years old. (I think I was trying to convey the fact that he was old) He too is considered young by some of the others standards. We are spirits, the chosen ones. The eldest is to the north. He has guided humans for as long as they have existed. Without them there would be no hope. Many years ago, he guided our father to a place where he was able to show the world our strength.
I burn bright as I am young. (Ungh, I hate that sentence) That is the way we tell age here. The older one is, the less it burns, except of course for our leader. We are spirits (yes, Katie, you said that already) we are taught to make all of humanity better even though we are millions of miles away.
Before I was assigned to my cluster I was taught many things. We attended what we only know as 'The Academy'. We saw many pictures and videos. (awkward sentence cluster much?) At The Academy you really had to outshine the rest! (PUN ALERT!) Before I ended up here I had another life. I was a human just like you. I lived a short life. When I was 6 years old I was diagnosed with Leukemia and soon after died. I remember my life as being a happy one and I had family who loved me.
But anyway, I digress, I know you must be dying to a hear about a normal day in the life of me! (I loved exclamation points!) I wake up later then you ever would. I am always assigned to the same sector so after I wake up that is where I spend the rest of my day. There's other children like me and we are allowed to work together as long as we stay close to our elders. The main point of my job is listening. (I hate sentences like this) I will not be able to carry out wishes for a few more years. That is why humans sometimes lose faith in us. They don't realize how much training it takes to make dreams come true! (!!!!!) I sit close to my elder when we work (said that already) He is assigned a unit that to you would look like a tv and a set of headphones.
When we get a signal that someone has intentions we locate them on the screen and listen. (intentions? INTENTIONS?) We have to listen close to see if their reasons are pure and good. For example, if you try to wish on my elder for money to buy a new car so you can impress people, your wish will not be granted. Most elders only have the power to grant 5 wishes a work day. The older they get the less they grant because they become weak. Sometimes it's hard to prioritize by who should get what wish granted. Mistakes are made (the consequences will never be the same!... totally Jow's fault for posting that clip the other day) I am designed to be a wisher, others are designed to guide and others are just there to shine. We are all individually important.
Some of us ar not good. These are the ones who are sent away, never to be seen again. They are the ones who bestow wishes based on greed. Some of us are specifically designed to carry out certain types of wishes because of this. (Quite the hierarchy I came up with) I will be trained to carry out wishes of health and strength. After 6 hours we are allowed to have a break. We punch out but keep shining bright. We have a picnic lunch and quickly return back to work. (I like how I used picnic, which is generally used to indicate a lazy, slow sort of meal and quickly in the same sentence) After our break we only have a few more hours of work. Our days are usually the same. (not a needed sentence, also I wonder how they are able to punch out..)
When the elders get to weak to carry out wishes and burn out they do not die. They are sent down to earth and become fireflies. The only thing they have to worry about down on earth is getting stuck in a jar, but even that's a game for them. (I actually like that paragraph for my 17 year old mind)
You have to be special to be one of us. (One of us... one of us...) We are hand picked by our creator himself and have infinite trust and faith placed in us. I don't remember meeting him though my elder says everybody does between the time we die and the time we are reborn. He told me that everyone spends a brief period of time in waiting while they are picked for their next assignment. Those of us who die in fear are put in places where they will always see the light and feel warmth. Some of them go to work at other headquarters. (are they interuniverse? Where else can they go?) Being a star isn't easy. The hours are long, there's tons of training and we are millions of miles away from humanity. At the end of the day it's all worth it though. Knowing we are changing lives every day makes it all worthwhile. (Redundant)
Thoughts:
My seventeen year old self had a somewhat good grasp of imagery.
There were no cross-outs or rough drafts or anything, which holds true with all my work. Which is why I can be repetitive. This all started in the fourth grade when my teacher, Ms. O'Neill insisted that when writing I had to write a first draft and then a final draft. I didn't agree with her at all, and argued with her about it to the point where my parents were brought in to set me straight. They consulted my third grade teacher, Mrs. Rawden, who said that I wrote well and suggested she give it a shot and she could just grade me accordingly. Side note: Mrs. Rawden was also my first grade teacher. The end result? It was written in my cumulative file that unless my writing skills declined, it wasn't necessary for me to do first drafts. (I LOL'ed when I was leafing through my cumulative file and saw that, I had forgotten about it in high school until that point) To which I say, damn straight.
Also, sometimes my writing is awkward. But sometimes, I'm awkward, and at seventeen I was definitely awkward.
No comments:
Post a Comment