I never said I was an artist

Drew bought one of those Halloween cookie decorating kits when we were grocery shopping for the week. This is as artistic as I get.

Time to Travel

I'm at the airport right now, which means that my updating is going to be scarce for a few days.  I wasn't able to fit all the work I needed to complete into the time before I left, so I'm going to have to work through my vacation.  My flight is delayed 20 minutes, the sky looks like it's going to open up right now. Drew and I went to First Watch this morning for breakfast and I had an omelette, which is uncharacteristically Katie. Eating breakfast is uncharacteristically Katie also, but I did it anyway. My love of top 20 hits is starting to teeter onto my iPod playlist selections.  It's a sign that I'm hanging out with the hipster kids too much,  I think.  My top played is going from Gaslight Anthem to Pitbull.
I rented Horrible Bosses and bought the season premiere of Psych for the flight.
I'm missing homecoming this weekend. Apparently there's an actual carnival that takes place, so I'm super bummed now. Oh well, I'll be hanging out with the cool kids and it's Amr's birthday this weekend! Which means, paintball....
Well, for him anyway, I just do the party part.

Meeting Markus Zusak

The author of The Book Thief and I Am the Messenger! He was amazing.

Off to Bradenton for the weekend

I have to take the FTCE this weekend, which I'm a little nervous about. Hopefully it will be ok, I get my results back pretty quickly.  I'm taking it in Sarasota which means I'll be out of the apartment all weekend. I think my roommates are excited about the prospect of quiet for a few days. I come home on Sunday and then I fly out again on Wednesday, I should probably put together the times I'm flying, this would be helpful for the future. I have a ton of ESOL work to get in, and I wanted to get my genre project and the presentation due on the 24th for Psych in the final stages before I fly out. I want to try to not have anything hanging over my head for the 5 days I'm out of town.
Markus Zusak was amazing last night. He talked about the importance of chapter headings, which I was really appreciative of because I sometimes feel like my outlines are too rough. He was incredibly sweet, he signed my book and took a picture, which I'll post up when I get a chance.  Courtney and T had a really good time, and we learned that it's really hard to eat fast food in the dining room after 10 at night. We really wanted to go to Emily's restaurant but it took forever to get through the Zusak line because everyone was regaling him with tales. He was such a kind-hearted guy he didn't want to cut anyone off. If the event was run by a larger company the signing would've gone completely different. I told him I didn't think I would ever get to meet him because he's usually pretty stationary in Australia and he told me he was glad that he got to meet me. Everyone in the line awww'ed over that.

This is what I look like all the time

The other night I went bowling with some classmates for Alyssa's birthday. I don't think I've gone bowling since I was about 13. I bowl terribly, I don't think I hit double digits for at least 6 frames, and the amount of times I actually hit a pin versus the amount of times I threw the ball is highly disproportionate. I think it turned out to be a fine lesson for me. I learned that I really can't be good at everything! We laughed and drank and talked about the past, the present and the future.. the foundation of an amazing night. I had fun though, some of my classmates are pretty awesome, and it was nice to see what else is around Tampa because honestly, I get lost all the time.  Plans are in the works for another night out with even more people, which should be an awesome time. One can only hope it won't be bowling again though, I'm not sure I can handle that much embarrassment again!

Katie, it's a strange world..

My mind can't seem to settle down for the 5 minutes necessary to make a blog entry lately. Here are some updates on my life that you may find interesting:

I'm in love with my school. Even when I'm stressed out and running around like a mad-woman I still stop and take a moment to think about how incredibly I am to be at this point in my life. My classes, my classmates, the teachers.. everyone has been absolutely amazing. It's that feeling of knowing I'm exactly where I'm supposed to be that seems to flow out of me with every word that comes out of my mouth. I get nervous, I get homesick, my patience gets tried.

I wouldn't trade it for anything.

I would live in the library if I could, just shack up somewhere on the 4th floor in between call numbers among the bookshelves that seem to go on forever. People would talk about the girl who lives in the library, and they would send letters asking questions like, "Don't you ever get tired of the smell of all the books?" To which I would respond, there is no better breath to take for a bibliophile. My address would read as follows:

Kathryn Mary
C/O USF Library
Corner of PQ and PS
Tampa Fl, 33620

If I lived in the library I would definitely go by Kathryn Mary, it seems more official and librarian-like.

I would sleep alongside Neil Gaiman and Maya Angelou; happily handing books out to those who pass by with the same enthusiasm that I have for late nights and Star Wars. Sometimes I'm struck with the realization that my perfect life is very, very different from the norm.

I'm full of good ideas

I've said it before and I'll say it again, I cannot believe the amount of passive-aggressive anger that I see on Facebook every day. It honestly throws me for a loop sometimes. If you didn't know some of my friends and looked at their Facebook profile you would think that they were self-deprecating people who sat inside all day looking out the window, waiting for someone to walk on their lawn so they could promptly go out and yell at them accordingly. I don't laugh out loud a lot, but I love the people who claim to be the epicenter of karmic goodness but also post things like "I wish she would die" or "EVERYONE'S JEALOUS!!! I LOVE THE HATERS!! YOU DO NOTHING BUT FUEL MY FUEL TANK FOR SUCCESS!!" I may or may not be exaggerating here.
Often times, someone will make some stupid, off the cuff comment to me or go down the well-trodden passive aggressive route and generalize it down so that they can make a post that 300 of their closest friends will read and think that they are entirely too clever. Often times I think they are entirely too ridiculous and that's the reason why I leave my own well-trodden trail of dead end conversations. I think that's been one of the biggest indicators of personal growth for myself, not having to prove myself to others or compare my own achievements to someone else. I'm not entirely exempt from this, if you're one of the handful of people whose opinion I actually value then I might stack myself up against you.
When I meet new people and we do the Facebook thing, I am the first person to say that I post a lot, I understand people don't want their wall clogged with status updates about things that I find amusing. I tell people that my family is on Facebook so I make a lot of postings about my general state of mind so they are able to check in on me without having to feel tied down to a phone call. Side note: I cannot believe how many people forget they have family on Facebook and I am amazed about how often people post things that they then have to take down because they forgot it could be potentially harmful on one's perspective of a person. Don't worry, it's just you and 300 of your closest friends!

Oh man..

Spelling bee champions take their spelling super serious. WHY DON'T YOU ASK MY MOM?

Every once in awhile I come across something that...

I cannot for the life of me figure out why it would be advertised as such. Todays?
"Authentic New York style bagels"
I'M SO CONFUSED!

...

Dear Amy,

Do you remember second grade, Mrs. Reilly's class? I do. I remember my student of the week celebration well. There's a picture of you standing on a chair reading a VERY long letter to me. I smile now thinking about it. You talked about how wonderful I am. I say "I am" because I know it was true then and it's true now.

Now, think back and remember yours, I said the very same thing about you. In some ways I think that, we as a class will always circle back to those memories. We'll get old, get married, have babies, travel the world, make new friends, rekindle old friendships.. we will all lead remarkable lives. On the darkest of days, I know this to be true.. even when everything seems lost and jagged. I truly believe that we were all put in that class for a reason, because all of us have leaned on one another at some point in time.

Sometimes, I wish I could change my life. I wish that certain things hadn't happened. I wish that I had accepted invitations, stayed out a little longer. I can't change the things I've done, said, or felt, and believe me sometimes I wish I could change anything and everything about myself. I want to take fragments of my life, and piece them together to make a better past, a better future. But if I did that, it would be disjointed. My life wouldn't be mine to own, as crazy as it has been. I would just be taking what I wanted and leaving shards of things that, while they haven't been the best experiences, have taught me a lot.

I think about what would have happened if the beginning of the period in my life that I not-so-fondly refer to as "Tragically Lost" had been different. In a period of just a few years I got beat up, beat down, thrown out of school, got sick, fell in love for the first time, fell apart for the first time, lost my friends and lost myself. I was the epitome of "social outlier" By this I mean that I was always on the outside, I never felt like I truly had "friends" just acquaintances.

I know that my life will never be like one of those movies, where everyone has been friends forever. People come and go in my life, some come rushing in as others are fading out. I do have best friends, but I've come to learn that I can call them that and it doesn't mean that they won't come and go.

I don't make for a good best friend, I can be moody, mean, annoying.. the list goes on. But I also know that I have redeeming qualities about me, things that make them love me for who I am, regardless of if I'm calling them horrible bottom dwellers. (Sometimes, a little bit of distance, the best relationship makes)

The redeeming qualities about me? They're the ones that came up as everyone read their letters to me back in second grade. Simplistic things like nice,and happy. Complex things like loving, thoughtful, and intelligent. These things hold just as true today as they did 18 years ago. They do for me, just as they do for you. They draw people to us, and keep them close. I know that we lead entirely different lives, but these certain parallels that hold true. Above all, we are both terribly loving souls, who take on the burdens of others, live for others, and would do anything for others. The somewhat tragic thing is, we can't figure out why some wouldn't do the same for us.

The truth? Not everyone is as loving as us, not everyone is as well versed as us, and not everyone has as much inner strength as us. That doesn't mean they aren't wonderful (if not somewhat misguided) people, it just means that both of us need to remember where our strengths and weaknesses lie. Loving too much is not something that everyone can understand, because it's a gift, and like most inherent gifts of human nature, you don't know what a person means unless you're in the same boat. People often tend to see the glass half empty. I want, no.. I have to believe that people are inherently good, and that they have the best intentions though, or I would never make it through the day.

The thing that sucks about us being the age that we are is that everyone is in a different life stage. Some of us are struggling through graduate school, others are getting married and having babies, working on their career paths.. on the flip side.. others are clinging desperately to the rest of their 20's, living like they're still in high school having no regard for consequence, constantly going through life with an excuse in hand. This is the time in our lives when the spectrum is so blatantly broad, and when we're forced to make choices some of us falter while others have great success.

The great thing I know, is that no matter who may come and go in your life... you will always be the same wonderful Amy. You hold true to yourself, and while you make many sacrifices for others, you are no one's fool. Don't look to others to prove you right or wrong on your own feelings of self worth.. the thing that starts happening is you start relying on people to disappoint you, and that's never a good thing. In the end, the only person you can really rely on is yourself. It's kind of like when you're on an airplane and they tell you to put your own oxygen mask on first if something happens before you can help others. Live, laugh, and love with all your heart. The rest will come in time. Remember: it's not possible to make other people as awesome as we are, they're on their own!

xoxoxoxo-
that same awkward, geeky girl from 18 years ago who never forgot your kind words or actions.

I think both are good too..

My AC midterm

For some reason I didn't read this when I was going through old papers, I think because there was vocab questions on the front I just flipped through it. I decided it needs some commentary, I wrote this in high school, my senior year.  My comments are in parentheses, and I'm not editing this or anything, because it would just have a bunch of lines through it. I just think it's fun in light of me deciding to take my GRE's soon.

The night sky feels cool even though I am burning so hot that anything that comes near me can melt. (I was always one for the imagery!)  I only have 12 hours to do my work and then I am able to rest.  We are all different. Some of us are so far apart you would have to scream just for them to hear a whisper. Others are placed in intricate designs that can be seen millions of miles away.  Others, like me, are grouped in smaller clusters. We're like a family. We eat, sleep, and shine together.

I am younger then (ok, this should be corrected.. damnit i said i wasn't going to do that) most.  One of the babies, I am not separated from an elder ever. We are all different ages.  The elder that was assigned to me is over 500,000 years old. (I think I was trying to convey the fact that he was old) He too is considered young by some of the others standards.  We are spirits, the chosen ones. The eldest is to the north.  He has guided humans for as long as they have existed. Without them there would be no hope.  Many years ago, he guided our father to a place where he was able to show the world our strength.

I burn bright as I am young. (Ungh, I hate that sentence) That is the way we tell age here. The older one is, the less it burns, except of course for our leader.  We are spirits (yes, Katie, you said that already) we are taught to make all of humanity better even though we are millions of miles away.

Before I was assigned to my cluster I was taught many things. We attended what we only know as 'The Academy'.  We saw many pictures and videos. (awkward sentence cluster much?)  At The Academy you really had to outshine the rest! (PUN ALERT!) Before I ended up here I had another life. I was a human just like you. I lived a short life.  When I was 6 years old I was diagnosed with Leukemia and soon after died. I remember my life as being a happy one and I had family who loved me.

But anyway, I digress, I know you must be dying to a hear about a normal day in the life of me! (I loved exclamation points!) I wake up later then you ever would.  I am always assigned to the same sector so after I wake up that is where I spend the rest of my day. There's other children like me and we are allowed to work together as long as we stay close to our elders.  The main point of my job is listening. (I hate sentences like this) I will not be able to carry out wishes for a few more years. That is why humans sometimes lose faith in us. They don't realize how much training it takes to make dreams come true! (!!!!!) I sit close to my elder when we work (said that already) He is assigned a unit that to you would look like a tv and a set of headphones.

When we get a signal that someone has intentions we locate them on the screen and listen. (intentions? INTENTIONS?)  We have to listen close to see if their reasons are pure and good. For example, if you try to wish on my elder for money to buy a new car so you can impress people, your wish will not be granted. Most elders only have the power to grant 5 wishes a work day.  The older they get the less they grant because they become weak.  Sometimes it's hard to prioritize by who should get what wish granted. Mistakes are made (the consequences will never be the same!... totally Jow's fault for posting that clip the other day) I am designed to be a wisher, others are designed to guide and others are just there to shine. We are all individually important.

Some of us ar not good.  These are the ones who are sent away, never to be seen again. They are the ones who bestow wishes based on greed.  Some of us are specifically designed to carry out certain types of wishes because of this. (Quite the hierarchy I came up with) I will be trained to carry out wishes of health and strength.  After 6 hours we are allowed to have a break.  We punch out but keep shining bright. We have a picnic lunch and quickly return back to work. (I like how I used picnic, which is generally used to indicate a lazy, slow sort of meal and quickly in the same sentence) After our break we only have a few more hours of work. Our days are usually the same. (not a needed sentence, also I wonder how they are able to punch out..)

When the elders get to weak to carry out wishes and burn out they do not die.  They are sent down to earth and become fireflies.  The only thing they have to worry about down on earth is getting stuck in a jar, but even that's a game for them. (I actually like that paragraph for my 17 year old mind)

You have to be special to be one of us. (One of us... one of us...) We are hand picked by our creator himself and have infinite trust and faith placed in us.  I don't remember meeting him though my elder says everybody does between the time we die and the time we are reborn.  He told me that everyone spends a brief period of time in waiting while they are picked for their next assignment.  Those of us who die in fear are put in places where they will always see the light and feel warmth.  Some of them go to work at other headquarters. (are they interuniverse? Where else can they go?) Being a star isn't easy. The hours are long, there's tons of training and we are millions of miles away from humanity.  At the end of the day it's all worth it though.  Knowing we are changing lives every day makes it all worthwhile.  (Redundant)

Thoughts:

My seventeen year old self had a somewhat good grasp of imagery.

There were no cross-outs or rough drafts or anything, which holds true with all my work.  Which is why I can be repetitive.  This all started in the fourth grade when my teacher, Ms. O'Neill insisted that when writing I had to write a first draft and then a final draft.  I didn't agree with her at all, and argued with her about it to the point where my parents were brought in to set me straight. They consulted my third grade teacher, Mrs. Rawden, who said that I wrote well and suggested she give it a shot and she could just grade me accordingly.  Side note: Mrs. Rawden was also my first grade teacher.  The end result? It was written in my cumulative file that unless my writing skills declined, it wasn't necessary for me to do first drafts.  (I LOL'ed when I was leafing through my cumulative file and saw that, I had forgotten about it in high school until that point) To which I say, damn straight.

Also, sometimes my writing is awkward.  But sometimes, I'm awkward, and at seventeen I was definitely awkward.

I think I love books about history..

Documentaries

As I posted on Facebook, I've been watching a lot of documentaries lately, the queue is full right now. Here's a list of what I've watched recently, all of which can be streamed instantly in your Netflix queue if you so desire.

Saint of 9/11 A documentary about Mychal Judge, the chaplain for the NYC firefighters, who was victim 1 of 9/11. He was quite the character, an alcoholic and there's some controversy about his sexuality. The interviews are funny, touching, and inspirational.

My Flesh and Blood A documentary about Susan Tom, who has 13 kids, 11 of which are adopted, all of which have disabilities. Warning: Some of these children have gone through horrifying experiences, for example there's a young girl who was fully burned by a propane stove. When I initially started watching it I wasn't sure if I was going to make it through the whole thing. This documentary makes you feel extremely lucky to be alive.

The Parking Lot Movie Love, love, love this documentary. These guys are awesome, they kept cracking me up. They're all extremely intelligent, and most become devoted to the job to the point of completely losing it.

We Live In Public Trailer link is NSFW, and the documentary has a whole lot of naked in it. Similar to the Stanford Prison experiments, as someone noted in the comments of the trailer. It covers Josh Harris's different projects, Quiet- an underground bunker he built, with 100 people living in it for 30 days, he supplied food, water, guns, drugs, whatever they wanted they got, the catch was there were cameras everywhere, and I mean, everywhere. The shower was a sphere in the middle of a room (on camera), the bathrooms had cameras in them, and every persons pod had a tv and camera. There was no place to go if you needed to take a crap, get naked, have sex, whatever, it was all recorded and the people in Quiet could watch any of the channels they wanted. As you can guess, people went balls out crazy. He also did We Live In Public with his girlfriend which was the first apartment to be rigged up with surveillance cameras in every corner of the house and a million microphones that streamed live, 24 hours a day on the internet. Totally Orwellian, the sociology aspect of it kept me watching.

Capturing the Friedmans Documentary about a family who was dealing with a father and son who were charged with child molestation.  It's done in a way that has the viewer decide whether they are guilty or not.  I watched this movie initially on HBO, when it came out, and then again this week to see if I could get a better perspective on the case. Extremely interesting, but hard to watch at some times when the actual charges are being discussed. Some of the people who he was accused of molesting say he did, others say nothing ever happened.

I think I'm a documentary junkie..